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                           The “Dem-panic” and Beer!

       There have been a score or more of words, names, and phrases that I have come to despise over the
past six months of the dem-panic. I am sick to death of having them blasted at me twenty four hours a day by
detestable politicians and the infernal news media, but I’ve devised a way of making them more bearable by
relating them to beer. When I hear one of the hated terms I immediately begin to think of beer and bring
about a much happier and less stressful state of mind. The majority of these terms had not even been heard
of before the onset of the dem-panic, making them particularly irritating. In no particular order I list them here
with the first beer-related thought that pops into mind:

HATED TERM               
               SUDSY SOLUTION

1. Corona virus                Even though it’s horrible, just like the virus, Corona
          is the largest selling imported beer

2. Mask                      
       What is put on the bottles at a blind beer tasting

3. Dr. Fauci                        The Wild Heaven Brewery of Georgie proudly brews

    Fauci Spring Ale

4. “Stop the spread”         What quickly grabbing a bar towel does when
                                        somebody knocks over a beer

5. Outdoor dining      
        Think rows and rows of picnic tables under the trees at a
                                       German beer garden, with wurst, kraut, beer, and oompahs.

6. Wuhan                        The Devil’s Brewery in Wuhan, China. “Devil’s”
is a most
                                       appropriate name.

7. Black Lives Matter        Schwartzbier

8. Cases                       
    What beer comes in

Peaceful protest           What you do when the waitress brings you the  wrong beer

10. Face covering       
   The result of trying to drink a beer from a German “boot glass   
.                                     (Also covers your shirtfront and lap).

11. Murphy                     Obviously, Murphy’s Irish Stout,
but Prison City Brewery's
                                      Lockdown Brown Ale is equally apt.

12. “Flatten the curve”
    A well poured beer forms a curved head above the
                                        rim of the glass. Rarely seen foam scrapers flatten it.

13. Covid                        The Ale Asylum of Wisconsin brews
 F_ck Covid Ale

14. Guidance                
   What you get from an employee of a newly visited
                                        liquor store and ask where the IPA section is.

15. Pandemic               
   (Their word…mine is dem-panic). New Jersey’s
                                       own Flounder Brewing Company brews Pandemic IPA.

16. Daily Briefing          
    The website of your favorite pub or brewery letting         
                                        you know what’s currently on tap.

17. Systemic racism        Evidenced by the fact that virtually all high
gravity quick drun
                                 inducing malt liquors are marketed  exclusively in inner city
                                      area  and African-American neighborhoods.

18. Social Distancing        What a single girl tries to practice when hit on by
a nerd at
                                 nerd at your local pub.

19.Indoor Dining         
      What you do when you visit your favorite pub for a  beer
 and a burger.

20. Defund the police  
      No cops?… DWI worries.

21. George Floyd              Just as Mr. Floyd is no longer with us, the popular
                                         Three Floyd’s Brewpub of Munster, Indiana, has
                                         announced its permanent closing due to Corona virus.

22. “Testing”                
     Think “tasting” instead, while having a flight

23.  Antifa                        There’s no way to relate this despised acronym to beer, but I still hate it.

24. Statue razing                Every time another statue of Columbus, Lee, or Stonewall Jackson comes

                                          crashing down, I think of the statue of King Gambrinus ,which stood above   
door of Newark’s Krueger Brewery. They can’t get him now because he’s safely
tucked away in the Smithsonian Institute.

25. Blended learning        
  Mixing Yuengling Premium with a high gravity  double IPA

26. Virtual anything        
    How in hell do you “virtually” drink a beer?

27. Andrew Cuomo
           I’ve decided to list these last two as an entry

28. Bill Diblasio               
   because the absolutely most fitting beer reference can easily and correctly be
                                         applied to both: a homebrew kit available on line that will make you a  five gallon
 batch of “Horse’s Ass Beer”.

There you have it….words, names , phrases that any freedom loving beer patriot surely hates and an easy
way to relegate them to the back of your mind!


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