The award winning
beer historian and raconteur
The “Dem-panic” and Beer!
There have been a score or more of words, names, and phrases that I have come to despise over the
past six months of the dem-panic. I am sick to death of having them blasted at me twenty four hours a day by
detestable politicians and the infernal news media, but I’ve devised a way of making them more bearable by
relating them to beer. When I hear one of the hated terms I immediately begin to think of beer and bring
about a much happier and less stressful state of mind. The majority of these terms had not even been heard
of before the onset of the dem-panic, making them particularly irritating. In no particular order I list them here
with the first beer-related thought that pops into mind:
HATED TERM SUDSY SOLUTION
1. Corona virus Even though it’s horrible, just like the virus, Corona
is the largest selling imported beer
2. Mask What is put on the bottles at a blind beer tasting
3. Dr. Fauci The Wild Heaven Brewery of Georgie proudly brews
Fauci Spring Ale
4. “Stop the spread” What quickly grabbing a bar towel does when
somebody knocks over a beer
5. Outdoor dining Think rows and rows of picnic tables under the trees at a
German beer garden, with wurst, kraut, beer, and oompahs.
6. Wuhan The Devil’s Brewery in Wuhan, China. “Devil’s” is a most
7. Black Lives Matter Schwartzbier
8. Cases What beer comes in
9. Peaceful protest What you do when the waitress brings you the wrong beer
10. Face covering The result of trying to drink a beer from a German “boot glass
. (Also covers your shirtfront and lap).
11. Murphy Obviously, Murphy’s Irish Stout,but Prison City Brewery's
Lockdown Brown Ale is equally apt.
12. “Flatten the curve” A well poured beer forms a curved head above the
rim of the glass. Rarely seen foam scrapers flatten it.
13. Covid The Ale Asylum of Wisconsin brews F_ck Covid Ale
14. Guidance What you get from an employee of a newly visited
liquor store and ask where the IPA section is.
15. Pandemic (Their word…mine is dem-panic). New Jersey’s
own Flounder Brewing Company brews Pandemic IPA.
16. Daily Briefing The website of your favorite pub or brewery letting
you know what’s currently on tap.
17. Systemic racism Evidenced by the fact that virtually all high gravity quick drun
inducing malt liquors are marketed exclusively in inner city
area and African-American neighborhoods.
18. Social Distancing What a single girl tries to practice when hit on by a nerd at
nerd at your local pub.
19.Indoor Dining What you do when you visit your favorite pub for a beer
and a burger.
20. Defund the police No cops?…..no DWI worries.
21. George Floyd Just as Mr. Floyd is no longer with us, the popular
Three Floyd’s Brewpub of Munster, Indiana, has
announced its permanent closing due to Corona virus.
22. “Testing” Think “tasting” instead, while having a flight
23. Antifa There’s no way to relate this despised acronym to beer, but I still hate it.
24. Statue razing Every time another statue of Columbus, Lee, or Stonewall Jackson comes
crashing down, I think of the statue of King Gambrinus ,which stood above
door of Newark’s Krueger Brewery. They can’t get him now because he’s safely
tucked away in the Smithsonian Institute.
25. Blended learning Mixing Yuengling Premium with a high gravity double IPA
26. Virtual anything How in hell do you “virtually” drink a beer?
27. Andrew Cuomo I’ve decided to list these last two as an entry
28. Bill Diblasio because the absolutely most fitting beer reference can easily and correctly be
applied to both: a homebrew kit available on line that will make you a five gallon
batch of “Horse’s Ass Beer”.
There you have it….words, names , phrases that any freedom loving beer patriot surely hates and an easy
way to relegate them to the back of your mind!
|Someone has to say these things
and it could only be