"Keeping Fit........With Beer!!!!"

Almost daily we hear or read about America's problem
with obesity, usually blamed on fast food, overeating,
and our largely (no pun intended) sedentary lifestyle. To
help alleviate this problem millions of dollars are spent
on gym memberships, personal trainers, exercise
equipment and nutritional supplements. All types of
diets and other regimens of self sacrifice are practiced
with spotty results, often, when the anticipated goals
are not immediately achieved, causing many of the
dieters to despair and just give up. This feeling of
hopelessness is the result of no immediate reward for
their sacrifices.

Beer drinkers, however, have an alternative way to stay
fit and be instantly rewarded for their efforts. "Beer My
Way" now proudly takes this opportunity to show
readers how to shed a few pounds by simply drinking
more beer and performing a few inexpensive "beer
exercises".

               
 "The Beer Stepper"

Most lazy Americans struggling with extra poundage
just open the refrigerator door when they're thirsty for
a brew, which requires hardly any energy at all. But an
astute and weight conscious beer man always makes
use of a beer stepper by simply situating his beer fridge
on a different level in the house than the one on which
he intends to drink the beer. By doing so, another beer
requires at least thirteen steps up or down and back.

If friends are visiting he only retrieves one beer at a
time. The friends may temporarily miss him, but they've
got each other to talk to while he's busy running up and
down the stairs. A great way to burn calories at no
cost! For those who live in a ranch house with no
basement, a six foot step ladder placed in front of the
fridge serves the same purpose if one always
remembers to scale up one side of the ladder and down
the other when getting another beer.

                
"The Keg Lift"

This is a no brainer. Just throw frequent keg parties,
always buy half barrels, and hand carry them home from
the liquor store. Excellent for arm and back
strengthening and cardio vascular training.


            "The Case Schlep"

This exercise requires an occasional motor trip to
Pennsylvania. Drive to a beer distributor in the Keystone
State and pick up four cases of Stegmaier's, Straub's or
any beer still sold in sixteen ounce deposit bottles.

Bring the cases home and carry them to the garage.
Set two aside for drinking and place the other two, one
on top of the other, on the floor in front of a five foot
high shelf. Keeping the back straight and bending the
knees, pick up the top case and place it on the shelf.
Repeat with the bottom case and place it on top of the
already shelved case, then reverse the operation until
both cases are returned to the floor. Fifteen or twenty
repetitions are an excellent workout for the upper arms,
legs, and back.


               
 "The Mass Hoist"

This exercise is great for conditioning the biceps and
forearm, especially for those in training for arm wrestling
competitions. Always drink your beer from a liter size or
"mass" stein, keeping the forearm level with the bar
when raising the stein to your lips. This type of workout
has instant gratification, but lest one arm gets stronger
than the other, it's recommended to switch arms with
every other beer.


         
 "The Digital Rejuvenator"

Most people never consider the fingers or hands when
working out but without fingers there is little one can
accomplish in life. That's why beer drinkers constantly
exercise the hands and rarely suffer from carpal tunnel
syndrome. Using the forefinger to pop the top on a can,
the thumb and forefinger to unscrew a screw cap,
wrapping the hand around a stein during the Mass Hoist
and manipulating church keys and bottle openers are
great ways to keep one's fingers and hands in shape.


               
 "The Dune Walk"

Perhaps the most exhausting beer exercise is the Dune
Walk and the requirement of a partner to perform it is
proof of this. Load an eighty quart Coleman cooler with
a case and a half of cans of your favorite session beer
and a chopped up twenty five pound block of ice.

Drive to Island Beach State Park (or your own favorite
seaside) and park at one of the smaller, non-guarded
beaches. Place the cooler on the ground and on top of it
stack a beach blanket, umbrella, two beach chairs, a
radio, some books and bag of sandwiches and
sunscreen.

With you on one side and your partner on the other,
pick up the cooler by its handles and begin the quarter
mile trudge in the blazing sun over the burning sand of
the dune. Every fifty yards or so it will become
necessary to switch arms before continuing the trek.
Be especially careful at this juncture since the heat of
the blinding sun often causes the arm switchers to
become disoriented and actually start heading back
towards the car.

Occasionally the extreme effort required by the Dune
Walk makes the Dune Walkers say to hell with it, throw
the chairs ,umbrella,  and other stuff off to the side,
open the cooler and start downing brewskis without
ever catching even a glimpse of the ocean. But
dedicated and persistent Dune Walkers soon find
themselves oceanside, enjoying salt water and liquid
gold and feeling great after a tough workout.


                
 "Beer Biking"

Bicycling is a great moderate exercise enabling the
cyclist to observe things not readily visible when
speeding by in an automobile. But too often cyclists just
aimlessly cycle around with no definite destination in
mind. The beer biker, however, just heads towards his
favorite brewpub, accomplishing a workout both before
and after enjoying a few pints. And he doesn't have to
worry about driving home!


                
"The Ale Swim"

Take a vacation at a resort that has an "underwater"
bar or at least a bar located near a pool. Position your
chaise lounge as far away from it as possible and take
frequent swims to the bar for an ale using any vigorous
stroke such as the Australian Crawl or breast stroke. An
excellent way to work the muscles used in swimming
with a definite and rewarding purpose in mind.


         
"The Rolling Rock Climb"

This isn't as dangerous as it sounds, since it doesn't
actually require one to climb up a rock. Just go on a
picnic and station a cooler full of icy Rolling Rock nips on
top of a steep hill near your picnic spot. When you want
a beer climb up the hill and get one. Getting more than
one at a time defeats the purpose, so be sure to make
frequent trips up the hill for a good cardio workout.


            
"The Beerobic Dance"

The final workout is one that's  necessitated by
performance of the preceding beer exercises and one
which puts all parts of the body into active and vigorous
use. When the first inkling of a need for a trip to the
men's room becomes apparent, hold off as long as
possible, preferably until the last second. Then race
madly to the facilities and get in line.

The Beerobic Dance works out the legs as you hop from
one to the other, the knees as you squeeze them
together, and even the teeth and jaw as you wince in
pain. In addition , to quote Satchel Paige, the "jangling"
of your arms really "gets the juices flowing!

It's time for a little workout. I think I'll go do a couple of
Mass Hoists.



Cheers,

Dan
Another two
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by   Dan Hodge