Beer....A Conservative Drink

Many conservatives are in deep despair over the
results of the recent presidential election, but those of
us who are also beer lovers know that even though an
avowed liberal was elected to lead us, we can still have
an optimistic frame of mind. Our prospects for growth
of the conservative movement look dim at the
moment, but we can always turn to our beverage of
choice for solace and comfort.

We know that after a day of driving around listening to
Rush and Sean rant about the horrors we are about to
endure under the Obama administration, we can
always return home or stop at our favorite pub to
enjoy a few pints and reflect on the wisdom and
inspiration of Ronald Reagan. And though alcohol is
considered by the medical profession to be a
depressant, at this time of year a couple of Christmas
brews serve as a wonderful anti-depressant for those
of us struggling to cope with the prospect of Hillary
Clinton as Secretary of State.

As an added benefit, the wonderful power of beer as a
restorative to one’s psyche is unique to “our side”.
Although beer is available to anyone over 21, including
liberals, only conservatives can take full advantage of
the positive aspects of the malt beverage because

While some might disagree with that statement and
cite a time or two when they actually witnessed a
liberal drinking a beer, I maintain that although it’s
possible for a liberal to DRINK  a beer, under no
circumstances can he actually LIKE it, and herewith
offer several reasons as positive proof to support my

Fully appreciating a beer takes time. Selecting just the
right brew for an occasion, choosing the proper glass
for the style, and then actually sitting down to  savor
the taste requires time that true liberals don’t have.
They’re far too busy protesting, marching, chanting
(“Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Clarence Thomas has got to go!)
and making placards depicting their latest perceived
enemy hanging in effigy!

To a beer lover the beverage of moderation is most
often associated with happy times: picnics,
celebrations, beach parties and the like. Beer art and
advertising invariably portray beer imbibers singing,
dancing and raising high their drinking vessels, always
with joyous smiles on their faces. Liberals are always
too miserable to enjoy beer in this fashion. They’re
always angry, “offended”, and desperately trying to
“change” things. Beer doesn’t make one mad, isn’t
offensive, and is just fine the way it has been for
hundreds of years. It doesn’t need “change”, leaving
little for liberals to do with it.

Conservative beer fans know that in order for them to
be able to enjoy their pints, some of nature’s living
things have to make sacrifices. If slaughtering a bunch
of poor little innocent hop vines is necessary to brew
an Imperial IPA, so be it. The hop vines must give up
their lives for us to be happy.(see above). Liberals look
upon such ruthlessness almost as losing a friend. They
consider it much more understanding to talk to a plant
or hug it than to harvest it for making an intoxicating
and “unnecessary” beverage.

As conservative beer geeks sit by the fire savoring a
midwinter barleywine during a raging blizzard and
watch the thermometer plummet, liberals are
constantly bemoaning  “global warming” and insanely
trying to justify how boiling wort and bonfires at beach
beer parties contribute to it. (Not to mention the
destruction of the ozone layer by the greenhouse
gasses emitted by thousands of beer trucks racing
madly around the country to deliver their product to
uncaring people.)

Right of center beer folks know that animals are meant
to be eaten, worn and owned. Fishing and hunting
trips usually include beer, winter sports require fur-
lined leather gloves and footwear to keep the
extremities warm before returning to the fireside for a
couple of old ales, and before the invention of the
planet-destroying internal combustion engine, draught
horses were pressed into involuntary servitude to
facilitate the delivery of beer to the consumer. Left
wing liberals wouldn’t think of wearing, eating or
enslaving animals, especially when doing so is
associated with something as anti-societal as beer.

Conservatives are generally pro-business. Liberals
usually associate the word “profit” with “Hitler”,
“Satan”, or “Armageddon”. Conservative beer drinkers
happily tour bustling breweries and the restored
mansions of 19th century beer barons and wish that
Yuengling was a public company in which they owned
stock purchased in 1985. A liberal thinks it’s obscene
that Dick Yuengling makes significantly more money
than a worker on his bottling line.

In addition to the vista of natural majesty, a
conservative views the environment as a venue in
which a beer might be enjoyed, whether downing
Octoberfests around a campfire in a pristine forest,
sipping a hefeweizen while gazing at the vast expanse
of the Atlantic Ocean, or viewing “amber waves of
grain” and appreciating the fact that a great deal of the
grain he’s viewing is barley, used to make beer. A
liberal, on the other hand, considers the environment
as something so delicate and fragile that it’s easily
destroyed by man’s efforts to improve his comfort, or
by his careless tossing of an empty beer can by the
side of the road..

Many liberals think “the homeless” have no homes
because evil brewing companies force “40s” of cheap
malt liquor upon them. The ready availability of this
product causes them to forego the work ethic and
leads them to lives of despair and hopelessness. A
conservative beer guy optimistically looks at a wino
with a forty and realizes that in our great land even
the poorest and most downtrodden of society’s
individuals can enjoy a brew!

Liberal elitists pride themselves on being free thinkers,
but that freedom extends only to themselves. They
feel the rest of us are too incompetent to manage our
own lives and therefore need the direction of liberals to
guide us, lest we go astray. Here again, beer plays a
part. Knowing that adult beverages are an example of
the freedom of choice we have in our country, libs
periodically call for the reinstatement of prohibition in
order to control the masses(although, admittedly they
are joined in these efforts by extreme right-wing

In summation, thank heavens liberals don’t like beer.
Their socialist ideology imposes quite enough wacky
ideas upon us! I shudder to think of what other lunatic
notions they might conjure up with a few pints in them.


Another two
glasses up
article from
Dan Hodge!
has to say
these things
and it could
only be
Click on picturesto enlarge
Ronald Reagan
being served a pint.
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by   Dan Hodge