Paul Curtis

A man had had far too much beer to drink
Now I must go home he began to think
He tried to stand up and fell to the floor
So he decided to crawl out of the door
Then after a little fresh air he tried again
But he fell face down in the drain again
“I will never get up” to himself he said
I won’t try again I’ll crawl home instead
His wife found him on the step asleep
“I went for a drink” he said like a sheep
“And I know what made you crawl so far
Your wheelchair's still in the public bar”


Joanna Fuchsdst

Three old men on the golf course,
(Each had trouble hearing well)
Were playing a round on a breezy day,
When one blew over and fell.

"Windy, isn't it?" said one of them,
While helping the other to rise.
"No, it's Thursday," said the second man.
And they walked off to exercise.

The third man had listened intently;
Now he chimed in, with good cheer;
As he followed the others, he called out,
"So am I. Let's have a beer!"


Al Yankovic

Oh... what is the malt and liquor?
What gets you drunken quicker?
What comes in bottles or in cans? (Beer)
Can't get enough of it (Beer)
How we really love it (Beer)
Makes me think I'm a man (Beer)
I could kiss and hug it (Beer)
But I'd rather chug it (Beer)
Got my belly up to here (Beer)
I could not refuse a (Beer)
I could really use a beer, beer, beer


Rodney Carrington

Our work day's done.
Go grab a shower!
Let's hit the pub.
It's Happy Hour.

If we get bombed.
Who gives a damn?
I'm not as drunk,
As you think I am.

Those chicks right there
don't look to good,
but three more beers...
I think I would!

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