|Vince Capano is a two time winner of the prestigious Quill and Tankard
writing award for humor from the North American Guild of Beer Writers.
Vince's column is now a regular feature of beernexus.com
Check back often for the next installment of
Vince's Adventures in Beerland
When in the course of human events, it becomes
necessary to dissolve our bonds to tasteless macro beer and to assume our
rightful place among those who appreciate the good beer of the world, a
decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that we declare the
causes which have moved us to this separation.
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all beer is not created equal.
There are beers that are endowed by the brewer with certain delicious flavors
that come from the careful combinations of barely, hops, and water. Beer
drinkers everywhere have the unalienable right to the distinctive flavors,
aromas, tastes and body of fine ales. To secure these rights, brewpubs and
microbreweries are instituted for men and women deriving their abilities from
skilled craftsman working diligently to provide said magnificent elixirs.
When any beer is made that is destructive and offensive to the well being of
its drinker it is the right of the people to break free from the seductive lures
of the macro lords and abolish their reign.
Fourscore and seven pints ago I was moved to bring forth upon you, the
illustrious readership here in, a new declaration conceived in the hope that
fine ales will become your singular choice of fermented beverage. So join
me and now to be resolved that Magic Hat, Fullers, Sierra Nevada, Victory,
Samuel Smiths, Guinness and the many other purveyors of quality beer have
not brewed in vain. That the people of this land shall have a new birth of
appreciation for good beer and that quality ales shall not perish from the
Gentlemen and ladies may cry, Bud, Millers, Coors – but those are clearly not
beers of flavor and taste. Their call is one for help that only we can provide.
Therefore, we the enlightened must pledge ourselves to spread the joy of
quality beers across the breadth of this land and to insure that fine ales,
lagers and cask-conditioned brews abound in every pub. Take heart friends,
for our struggle has already begun. Many of our brethren are at this moment
boldly demanding lambics, maibocks, IPAs, stouts, porters and pilsners at
countless locales around the globe. Why stand we here idle? I know not
what course others may take but as for me give me another pint of Liberty
(Ale) or give me nothing.
And so my friends let me assert my firm belief that in our quest to make
quality brews the choice of the masses we have nothing to fear but fear
itself. That nameless unjustified terror that truly good beer will never be
allowed again on our store shelves or poured in our pubs. We shall
overcome all; united and strong we will prevail. Indeed, when the history of
good beer is fully written it will be said that this was our finest hour!
|A Declaration of Beer Independence